Push Presents

Here's another thing that you might not know about pregnancy and childbirth. Push presents, or push gifts, are gifts that a new father gives to a new mother after the birth of their child. It's usually jewelry, but everything I've read so far indicates that it wasn't invented by the jewelry industry (yeah, right...) but actually has roots in England and India where gift giving to commemorate a birth has a long tradition. Leave it up to Kari's sister to bring up the topic of a push present the other day...

From wikipedia, quoting a New York Times article: "A 2007 survey of over 30,000 respondents by BabyCenter.com found that 38% of new mothers received a push present, and 55% of pregnant mothers wanted one. About 40% of both groups claimed that the baby itself is already a present and did or do not wish an additional reward. The trend has generated a backlash, as some couples dislike the implicit materialism of push presents, and would prefer increased help in chores or baby care, or save the money for the child's education."

Note that when you actually look at BabyCenter.com's website, I pulled up the poll and current results indicate that 40% of new mothers received a push present, but 15% gave something simple, but heartfelt, like a framed picture of the mom and baby, or a bouquet of flowers, and only 23% gave jewelry or another keepsake (the other 2% gave something pampering, like a spa treatment.) Please vote on the right for our own, unscientific, completely biased poll.

Anyway, forget the push present, where's the "I have to put up with my hormonal pregnant wife" gift? It's not as catchy as "push present" but this gift has deep rooted traditions in things like, giving my wife directions both to and from a destination or doing Friday night cleaning by myself (what, you guys don't clean on Friday nights?) FYI, I'm getting Kari a push present, "implicit materialism" and all. As if you couldn't guess...

Here's a link to a foxnews article that I thought was pretty good:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,99962,00.html

Away from work...

So I took a half-day to go in to see the ultrasound specialist with my wife. I didn't need to wonder how things went at work while I was gone, since the next day when I got back to work, I get this e-mail that goes as follows:

One day, Mr. Boss Man left the office early.
There was celebrating…

[um...that's my office cube you're messing around with...i'm glad that you feel that my desk serves as a great footrest. oh, and shooting rubber bands are dangerous, you can poke an eye out! this is duly noted for everyone's performance review next year...]

But soon it was back to business…

[i do appreciate the ability of focused concentration, even while wearing Karl Kramer's size 21 shoes and reading about Britney.]

Until other mayhem ensued…

[um...that mug was in my drawer when i left the office...]

[well, i guess kelly does have to listen to me blow my nose all the time...]

[don't even think about touching my whiteboard!]

Will he ever leave the office early again?

It's a boy! Or is it an alien?

Ultrasounds are a funny thing. It can tell you the gender of your baby and assist in diagnosing certain problems like Down's Syndrome. And obviously it gives you the first pictures of your baby and with the new 3d ultrasounds, it's no longer a fuzzy, grainy, black and white photo (See photo at left, courtesy of Wikipedia - it's not our boy, since Kari didn't want to post ours.) For some, looking at the ultrasound pictures and videos is an enjoyable experience. Not so much for Kari and I. We've had some minor issues, so we've probably had more ultrasounds than normal. So when the ultra sound specialist is going on and on about how beautiful your baby boy is, and we're sitting there thinking like, that is one ugly baby, I guess we're in the minority with our viewpoint? I mean, yeah, I understand that the baby is only 20 weeks old and can't open his eyes and isn't fully developed, but is it really that enjoyable to look at? I mean, he looks like E.T.! We still ended up paying the $5 for the DVD so that we could show Kari's mom the video.

Baby Questions Round 1 (Continued): Financial

Continuation of the questionnaire, this is the last one for Round 1:

1. Which is better, the flexible spending account for day care vs. taking the federal child care tax credit? Since account contributions reduce dollar for dollar the federal child care tax credit, which do you take or a combination of both?
Sounds like there are phase-outs for the federal child care tax credit, so you would probably use the FSA.

2. Did you add or increase coverage on disability or life insurance? For both spouses?
Seemed like most increased life insurance but didn't touch disability. Also if you're going to do it, do it soon since it's cheaper when you're younger and healthier.

3. Did you draw up a will or a living trust?
Most said no, but are planning to soon. [Anyone know of a good lawyer that focuses on wills?]

4. Have you started a college fund? Which is best: 529 Plans, Coverdell, Roth/Traditional IRAs, UGMA/UTMA?
Some are looking into this still, some are already doing it. Of the ones doing it, they're in the 529 plans: GET Program ("I think currently if you pay $7K, that guarantees a year's worth of tuition in the future."), the one in the state of Nevada (it's run by Vanguard which has low fees) and one run by Fidelity (based on financial advisor). The laws related to this may be changing, so it may be good to look into this soon. Anyway, looks like you don't need to enroll in the 529 for your state, you can enroll in any state's 529 plan.

Baby Questions Round 1 (Continued): Safety

Again, continuation of the questionnaire...one thing to note is that it seems to just depend on your kid and how curious they are about certain things on whether or not you need to do anything about it...

1. Are electrical outlets covered in the house? Which rooms?
Seems like most did have them covered either in most if not all the rooms, but at least in all of the rooms that the baby would tend to crawl/walk in. "Not necessary until they start becoming mobile." Also the plastic covers are a pain to put in and out if you use the outlet to vacuum for instance. In that case, you can buy the switch plate that swivels to allow a cord to be plugged in, and when not in use, it's covered.

2. Are safety latches installed on cabinets? Which rooms? Some did (bathroom cabinets and under the kitchen sink) and some didn't (just move all of the hazardous stuff out of the cabinets/shelves that the baby can get into. ) For one, they bought some cheap ones and their kid was able to figure it out in a week. One recommendation (echoed by another) was to have one drawer in the kitchen that a child is allowed to get into. It seems as if it satisfies their curiosity and they don't need to get into the other drawers. Also, you just need to keep telling them not to go around opening drawers and cabinets, that way, when you go to someone else's house, then your kid already knows not to go opening cabinets and drawers.

3. Where are poisonous (cleaning supplies, liquid soap, perfume, cosmetics) and hazardous materials (shaving razors, nail clippers, etc.) stored?
Either in cabinets up high or moved most of the hazardous stuff to the back of cabinets.

4. Doorstops – Do you use stops near the top of the door or replaced the originals with one-piece doorstops or didn’t replace at all?
Nobody replaced them, but some just removed the ones that their baby were interested in. One did buy the foamy things to put at the top of the door to prevent fingers being smashed in the door, but never used them. [seems therefore like it's not neccesary]

5. Do you anchor heavy bookshelves or entertainment centers to the wall?
Responses were received both ways. Note that there was that Grey's Anatomy episode where Bailey's kid was brought to the hospital after something similar happened

6. Do you use corner or edge protectors on furniture such as coffee tables?
One couple answered yes, but they just got pulled off - and then you're left with sticky glue on the furniture. You can get a soft ottoman to use as a coffee table, and also, just generally try to keep your eyes on your kid at all times.

7. Have you installed any window guards or window-stopping devices?
No one did, usually more because their infant/kid couldn't reach the window lock or they're too heavy for them to open.

Baby Questions Round 1 (Continued): Registery

A continuation of the questionnnaire...I've tried to italicize the answers that appeared on both the "most useful" and "least useful" lists.

1. What are the most useful items?

• baby wipe warmer
• swaddle blanket by "swaddle me" they have them at Nordstrom
• diaper genie
• "Born Free" baby bottles and sippie cups [innovative air vent bottles which helps reduce colic symptoms and are free of Bisphenol-A] note also that "all the celebrities use them too. Nicole Richie, Christina Aguilera, Tori Spelling." [author's note: uh, those three don't seem like they would be ideal moms, should i be scared?]
• "for the first 6 months all they will do is live in onesies and jumpers"
• rear view mirror for the cars.
• Pacifier "Soothies" the green ones for newborns, they are the closest ones to a moms nipple
• "Swing you have to get a swing"
• Happiest Baby on the Block book and DVD
• Dreft [baby detergent]
• baby monitor - the one with the video came recommended, although it may break easily.
• stroller with the ability to transfer the baby seat from the car seat based directly to the stroller
• "i would have preferred an infant seat and hollow frame at the beginning and then a lightweight but heavy duty stroller (like maclaren volo) for later"
• breast pump
• pack and play (pick one with the changing table feature, allows you to "set up shop" anywhere)
• glider chair to sit in while feeding the baby,
• baby bath (although they grow out of them pretty quickly and it's easier to bathe them in a sink)
• baby bjorn (or sling), "I recommend the one with more back support b/c they get heavy fast"
• humidifier/vaporizer (works well when they are sick)
• buckle for the car seat to make it tight
• My Brest Friend nursing pillow [author's note: as the baby bargains book puts it, "it probably qualifes as the Most Stupid Name for a Baby Product Ever award"]
• Baby Einstein dvds - "I know there was that controversial study but ____ loved them and they buy you 30 minutes to do something like make dinner."
• hooded bath towels
• lots of baby washcloths
• crib soother that plays music or sounds
• reclining highchair that an infant can be put in
• compact thermos (for hot water on the go, for mixing formula or warming milk)
• Britax Marathon carseat "it seems this is the carseat that all our peers...swear by"
• baby einstein music cds or other baby music - "can do errands/ride in car for hours
• hot water tap - not really a registry item, but useful for making formula.

2. What items are useless (but you thought they would be useful)?

• shoes...are pointless [before 6 months]
• baby wipes warmer
• baby bottle warmer - "You can just microwave a glass of water and stick the bottle in there."
• changing table
• high chair
• "too many toys clutters up the house"
• bumper for crib
• expensive infant clothing
• Boppy pillow - "advertised so much but we didn't really use it much and it wasn't enough support to breastfeed with."
• "don't buy too many baby bottles at once... you dont know what type of bottle your baby will prefer"
• bottle sterilizer
• baby bjorn "got too heavy too fast"
• "think about the breast pump really hard"
• too many 0-3 month clothes

Baby Questions Round 1: Baby

In my quest to become a parent, I've sent out a questionnaire to become better informed. Below are the questions and a compilation of the answers I have received. Please add you comments if you have anything else insightful that may help me.

1. Why or why would you not bank your baby’s cord blood?
It seemed like the answers ranged from "it's like a sham" to "our OB recommended it". At the same time the general feel that I got was that it was too expensive (thousands of dollars), and although "banking your cord blood could help in the future, it's not a guarantee"

2. Circumcision – why or why not?
The general sense here was that it was done for hygiene and looks. Also laziness, since if you don't circumsize, you'll have to spend more time cleaning that area (again, the hygiene issue). However, the best response for support of circumcision was "because as quoted by my OB 'looks good for the ladies.'"

3. Vaccines/Immunizations – Would you delay or not administer certain vaccines? Why or why not?
Seems like everyone followed the schedule as recommended by the doctor. Either people didn't have an issue with vaccines, or felt that nothing was proven as far as the side effects. There were comments in relation to autism, but then nothing has been proven, and it wouldn't explain why "boys tend to have it (autism) more."

Parenting: Why Aren't More People Worried?

For some reason right now, I’m more worried about parenting than about the actual childbirth process (maybe that has to do with the fact that I’m not the one actually carrying the baby.) Regardless, why aren’t more people worried about parenting? I mean, if you think about it, parenting is a job. A 24/7 job that never ends. I know nothing of parenting, yet I am going to be a parent, and therefore I am going to have to do some “parenting.” There is no training – okay, there are some books that I’m going to read (actually a lot, you’ll hear about that later) and the hospital offers classes, although usually most people take the childbirth classes which we’ve signed up for, but not the post-birth classes.

Back to parenting being a job. Think about this: If I told you that I decided to quit my job in accounting and I’m going to be your nanny for your kid for the rest of his life, what would you say? Something probably along the lines of “you don’t know a thing about taking care of a kid, I’m not going to hire you!” But then why is it okay for me to take care of my own kid then? I wouldn’t even hire myself to take care of my own kid, but then why is it okay for me to be a parent?

I can understand that raising a family is a right given to anyone. Some will say that parenting comes naturally, that there is an intuition that is genetically encoded in us, that we already know how to take care of a kid and therefore no class is needed. That’s nice and all, I’m sure I can wing it and still do okay, but is doing just okay good enough? I mean, look at how crazy our dog is. Humans (in some form) have been working and living with dogs for ages, back when they roamed the lands, yet that genetic coding for taking care of dogs seems to be missing in many people. Why wouldn’t it be the same for the genetic coding for parenting? As another example, we must be genetically encoded to hunt for our own food, but the best that I do is get a grocery shopping list over e-mail from Kari and head on over to QFC, and that is the extent of my hunter/gatherer instincts.

What People Don't Tell You

There are some things about childbirth that never gets talked about. There are probably a lot more that I just don’t know about yet, but here are some of the things that I’ve found out:

1. Placenta delivery – after the actual delivery of the baby, the uterus naturally contracts to push the placenta out of the uterus. What the frack?!? It’s not enough to deliver the baby you have to also deliver the placenta?!?

2. Donating or banking your baby’s cord blood - Apparently, you can save your baby’s cord blood for some potential future use (and it costs a lot of money) or you could donate it for research. I guess the donation part sounds nice, but what kind of research is being done? Sounds similar to stem cell research (which I don’t have a problem with), but do I really need my baby’s genetic material floating around out there in the research world? What if some mad scientist creates an evil Frankenstein twin? Have you ever seen the SpongeBob SquarePants episode where SpongeBob finds the magical pencil and ends up creating an evil twin? If not, see below:

http://www.nick.com/turbonick/index.jhtml?extvideoid=25981

Or maybe I’m the only one worrying about these things?

Kari's Pregnant!

So I know that I’m starting this blog late, seeing as how Kari is 20 weeks pregnant, but anyway...

When we found out that Kari was pregnant, it wasn’t that exciting for us. But what was fun (at least for me) was telling everyone you know for a period of 5 years after you got married that you’re not planning to have kids (in fact, vehemently denying that we would ever have kids), then finally telling them that your wife is pregnant, and watching the looks and reactions from everyone. Ha ha, suckas! However, you do have to live with the fact that you essentially lied to them all during the time that you’ve been trying (in our case the last two years). But if your wife wants you not to tell people that we’re trying, what am I supposed to do? It is a personal matter, and besides, do you really need people creating mental images in their head when you tell them you’re trying? I mean, physically, it only means one thing...

The problem now is that my credibility is shot – nobody can believe me anymore. You can add having kids to the list of items that I said I would never do: like get air conditioning for our house, or get a dog, or get a right-hand ring for Kari (although she wears it on her left, is it still considered a right-hand ring?) Of course, right now, I’m telling everyone that we’re only going to have one kid, but I don’t know if anyone believes me.